The intelligent management of sexuality & discovering our sexual needs is hindered by a number of variables, but they ultimately are ideas (like the seatbelt) that will catch on.
Family & Relationships
Sexual needs start in childhood and they are part of us for as long as we live. It's time we started talking about them.
We're all supposed to have sex with someone we're interested in before deciding to get permamently hitched, right? The problem is that when we do, the data collected isn't really relevant to the task at hand: finding a compatible mate.
Sure, you two can do it, but can you talk about it? Most people have figured out the mechanics of “doin' it,” but very few people can talk about sexuality.
Do you think "safe sex" means using a condom? Making sure consent is explicit? You're right, but there's so much more.
What do we mean by the term "needs?" Many times, we use the word "need" to refer to "that which the organism requires in order to survive." This is totally legitimate when we're talking about surviving in the raft after the ship goes down or surviving in a time of plague.
We have only just now reached the inflection point in human history where we could even begin this conversation. Up until this very time, the conversation has been blocked twice over by (1) our need to address the problem of survival and (2) older cultural institutions that claimed this subject matter as theirs.
Have you ever kissed your partner only to hear “ugh, get a room” or “come on, not in front of the kids”? This old trope would be more laughable if it were firmly in the rearview mirror of history, but it’s not. There are still a lot of parents out there who think public displays of affection (PDA) in front of their kids are something to be ashamed of.
What makes toxic masculinity toxic is when stereotypical, culturally appropriate masculine behaviors, beliefs, and perspectives are taken from something healthy and inspiring and made into something rigid and unnecessarily destructive.
Read Steven's take on the dangers of toxic masculinity in the gay community, in The Advocate.
Steven joins Alise and Brian, of the Betches Sup podcast, to talk about the effects of toxic masculinity on our culture, and how we can connect to our own human need for intimacy. They also talk about incels, the need for men to have meaningful friendships, and how sex ed fails to teach the most important aspects of human sexuality.