Steven’s Blog on Psychology Today

In the last 30 years of my practice, those who have committed sex crimes have a 100% participation in three epic failures in their personal lives: career, friendship, and love.

It’s weird when you think about it, right? We manage our finances, our careers, our diets, our vacation planning—really just about anything but our sexuality gets the intelligent management treatment.

When I ask sex offenders the question, "What would you like to get out of therapy?" the most common response over decades is, "I'd like to know how this happened."

For the last 21 years, I've worked as a sex offender counselor helping people who have been accused or convicted of sex crimes. We could all learn a lot from their stories.

Most of us have experienced regret about getting into a committed relationship with someone who turned out to have been so very wrong for us.

No, you're not too picky. We all have personal deal breakers that come up as we try to figure out how to have a great relationship and a sublimely happy future.